Dear Earth, the birds are happy.

After months of procrastinating I finally ordered the sacks of seed, moved the bird feeder from where weeds were strangling it, and filled the tubes with fat balls, sunflower hearts, niger. This morning the word is starting to get out and birds are coming for their breakfast.

On a scale of efficiency, dear Earth, I would rate myself as 93%. I generally do the things I say I’m going to do, and I get things done fast. I do my self-assessed tax return on the first day I’m allowed to. I’m one of those people. However, there are black spots. If you looked at the horror that is the inside of my car, or opened the cupboard in the hallway, you’d see a different story.

I notice that certain tasks build up a force-field of ‘don’t want to do it’ around them. The longer this force-field is active, the stronger it gets. For me these tasks often have a physical element – I have very little faith in my body – and they take up space in my head even though I try my best to ignore them.

We all have black spots. Some people have force-fields around maths, or feeling their feelings, or saying sorry. In the past, I would approach these black spots as a challenge – how can I improve this part of me? What structures can I put in place to support that growth? How can I work hard and become perfect at this?

These days, I accept that I will always carry them. They might shift about, and I will never be free of them. Here are my strengths (which sometimes flip into weaknesses – over-efficiency that means I miss out on playing) and here are my weaknesses (which sometimes flip into strengths – the avoidance of physical work which meant I retreated into books and became a writer).

Darling Earth, it feels better to live this way – with a deep frank acknowledgement of my fallibilities, my quirks and my annoyances. It helps me to shove myself less – because no-one responds to being shoved. It helps me to see that others are that way, too. It helps me to remember the value of community, where we help our friend who isn’t great at maths and they help us by mowing the lawn.

We are connected to each other and to you by our failings more than by our successes. That’s where the sweet soft spots are. When we can welcome these soft spots, we become whole and golden.

I put the birdseed out late this year, and the birds ate elsewhere or maybe went hungry. I am sorry, birds. And, here you are – feasting, sparking with beauty, happy.

Love, Satya <3