Dear Earth, I got fatter during lockdown.

The kind of fatter than necessitates new trousers.

As usual, this has set off vicious internal arguments. My managing parts resolve to give up sugar as soon as I’m back from holiday. My bingeing parts make me eat three cakes on the journey home whilst I still can. My critical parts yell that I’m weak-willed and pathetic, and no-one will love me if I don’t stop eating. And so on.

Why am I telling you this, darling Earth? Because I think you know about systems that regulate themselves. You are busy absorbing our pollutants, doing what you can to process them.

This is what my system is doing. Living through a pandemic as the world burns is a teensy bit challenging, and my system is trying to steady itself as a result. My sugar-eating parts have been working overtime.

When I see my new fat as a natural consequence of my system trying to steady itself, it doesn’t seem so awful. The critical, desperate manager parts of me are just doing their job too. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. It doesn’t mean I’m completely out of control. I can even take a step away from the fat-shaming culture I’m steeped in, and give my tummy rolls an affectionate pat.

Earth, you are doing what you can with the challenges we are throwing at you. My mini-system is doing the same. What can I do to help my bingeing parts? I can notice them, understand them, and appreciate them. I can love them. I can love the parts of me that hate my bingeing parts too.

You always call me to love more of you, darling Earth.

Love Satya <3

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Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash