Category: ֎

Dear Earth, I’m still not fixed yet, goddammit.

I’ve lived on your lap for 45 years now, darling Earth, and I have done a lot of therapy. I’ve spent decades in 12 step programmes and trainings, and I’ve done a lot of spiritual practice. I’ve consumed forests of books. I’ve written teetering stacks of journals. And I am STILL NOT FIXED. There are Read More

Dear Earth, I’m leaning in.

I’m resting my foot against a warm snoring dog underneath my desk. I’m resting my eyes on the grey stone Buddha on my windowsill, as he exudes his usual tranquillity. I’m resting my tired heart on your battered breast, darling Earth, as you absorb whatever we hurl at you. After I rest a while, I Read More

Hello Dear Earth

Here I am – melancholy, weary, my back and neck sore.Earth – our huge poppy is splitting its bud, revealing a slash of blood-red. The dogs are fighting over my affection.Leaning in, I see all the violence stirred into your beautiful soup.Listing gratitude – dappled clouds. Calm-again dogs. Quiet, embroidered with wood pigeon coos. A Read More

Hello Dear Earth

Here I am – I feel old, my lower back aches.Earth – you are waking up, your spring flowers are blooming, and you are very very old.Leaning in, I see the new and the old in me.Listing gratitudes – sun on my face, dog on my lap (muddy paws and all), a therapy session later Read More

Dear Earth, I believe in miracles.

Oh Earth, we are suffering. We are seeing how it is to run out of food and to be afraid of going out. We shiver as death blows in at our perimeters. We are tasting our powerlessness. When this is over, what will we do? Will we dive back into consumption, compulsion, control? Will we Read More

Dear Earth, it’s impossible.

All year I have been avoiding plastic in the supermarkets. Last week I chose the mushrooms sweating in their clingfilmed plastic coffin, because I was afraid. I was afraid of catching the coughing virus. Meanwhile, on a Pacific island, albatross chicks are being fed lighters, bottle tops, and biros by their mothers. This cargo fills Read More

Dear Earth, this is making me happy:

This rectangle of land in front of our flat, generously dressed in dark compost. Mushroom compost, which arrived on a lorry and the man asked me to get my own pen to sign for it as he wasn’t allowed to lend me his or I might infect him. Bunny compost, made of our three bunnies’ Read More

Dear Earth, I am not worthy.

Other people are fitting ventilators to those suffering in the overflowing hospitals, dear Earth. Other people are fetching medicine for their neighbours. I sit sulking in my office and wait for my daily exercise. I order myself expensive chocolates and a green hourglass. I estimate the days until I am free from this extravagant jail. Read More

Dear Earth, I have been fretting about death.

We are in the fists of a pandemic, and this fretting has preoccupied me. I have been resisting the fact of my almost total lack of control. I have been reassuring myself with lies about my invulnerability. I have been checking for fresh news every ten minutes and prodding at the fear like a bad Read More

Dear Earth, everything is changing.

I look at the blank page for a long time. What can I say? What can I possibly say? That will even begin to make sense of it all? That will provide some comfort? The boiler in the room next to me is thrumming. It is heating this whole house – keeping us warm like Read More

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