Dear Earth, gently does it.

Today is my last day off before work begins again. As usual, parts of me have ambitious plans for the year. Become super-rich-and-famous, single-handedly save the world – that kinda thing.

My word for 2020 has been travelling with me – a constant companion in a way no previous word has been. It crouches delicately on my shoulder, a soft-feathered thing with big liquid eyes, and every so often it whispers into my ear. Gentle. Gentle. Even the word itself is a caress of sibilance.

‘I’ll lose weight and become a better role-model of a vegan.’ Gentle. ‘I’ll squeeze in volunteering a day a week for Extinction Rebellion.’ Gentle. ‘I’ll become a better cleaner and keep my currently-disgusting car spotless.’ Gentle.

I am making a change. I’ve chosen one thing – the thing that disrupts my everyday life the most – my unhealthy use of the internet. I’ve asked for help. I’ve joined a 12 step group and have set some realistic bottom lines. I’ve checked it out with the different parts of me, and there’s general agreement that they’re ready to give it a try.

For now, this change is enough. Even this change isn’t in my hands – it’s up to my Higher Power. This is a great relief. My life goes much better when I stop my constant conniving and manipulating, and hand it over.

Right now, I’m grateful for my new £3 mug from Morrisons with its canary yellow stripe. Right now, I’m grateful that my trousers still just-about fit. Right now, I’m grateful that you support me, dear Earth, in a million myriad ways.

The strange creature on my shoulder is whispering again… Shhhh, listen, can you hear it too?

With love, Satya <3