Dear Earth, please help me to ask for help.On 18th November 2019 by Satya
Beloved Earth, I am terrible at asking for help. When others help me I feel vulnerable, a nuisance, in their debt, and a failure.
My culture has taught me to worship self-sufficiency. “What a clever girl – you’ve done it all by yourself.” “If you want something done properly…” I was a good student, and I have become a master. Self-sufficiency keeps us safe!
And, self-sufficiency takes a weighty toll. My needs sometimes build up and then splurge out in my marriage, in an emotional BLEAUGH. Sometimes my body makes me ill as a way of opting me out for a while. I miss out on the richness of other’s input, as I think I know the best way to do everything. I miss out on being-with.
I respect the parts of me that keep me safe in this way. They’re protecting me from being rejected, resented or pitied. They have good reasons for keeping help out. The change happens as I notice when I shut down, and send kindness to the frightened parts of me. The change happens as I experiment in safe ways – asking a friend for this, receiving that. The change happens as I learn to say a firm ‘no’ when I need to. The change happens as I watch and learn from others.
Beloved Earth, I am learning to ask for help. When others help me, parts of me still sometimes feel vulnerable, a nuisance, in their debt, and a failure. I also feel nicely-surprised, connected, abundant, grateful, tender, blessed, and happy.
You are so good at this, darling Earth. Look at your soil, your creatures, your weather, your ecosystems! The shocking intimacy of your giving and receiving! The festival of symbiosis and abundance!
Please help me to open my heart, dear Earth. Please help me to give you the gift of being received.
Lots of love, Satya <3