Dear Earth, what should I do now?

This rebellion is over. What should I do now?

I have struggled with this question for most of my life. I have a tendency to take on too much – to cram too many appointments into my diary, and squeeze in too many responsibilities. I gasp for air around the edges, and yet when blank spaces do loom I feel panicky and fill them up.

I’ve been worrying about my role in Extinction Rebellion going forwards – this work that feels so vital for your survival, sweet Earth. How can I ever do enough? Should I take on more leadership, cut down on my other work, force myself into places that don’t quite feel right for your sake?

The photo is of the march through Oxford Street. I was with the Buddhists carrying our glorious banner, and halfway through we were caught up by some guys with a massive sound system pumping out reggae. It was clear to me what I needed to do in that moment – dance.

When I listen to you, dear Earth, I know what to do. It’s usually very mundane. Change the flowers on the shrine. Put hay out for the bunnies. Make myself a cup of tea. My role in this great drama isn’t always the one I’d choose for myself. Sometimes I’m cleaning the toilet whilst someone else is getting all the applause on centre stage. Feelings of jealousy, frustration and greed arise, and that’s okay – I can live with them, and the main thing is that the show goes on. We all have different parts to play and the toilet needs cleaning.

I am sitting on the sofa by the glass doors, soaking up late October sun. Little Dog is sat next to me, her white chin stained pink by her breakfast of beetroot. I’m baking some cubes of sweet potato in the oven for her – her favourite treat – and the honeyed scent is filling the flat.

A friend wrote that maybe I needed to plant myself in the dark after the activity of the past few weeks, in order to get ready for growing again. Today I am hiding in the dark. This is what I need to do next – this is what I hear when I listen to you, dear Earth. You always know.

Love, Satya <3

“Many of the things we do seem so important to us. We haven’t been able to say No to them, because they seemed so important. But if we center down, as the old phrase goes, and live in that holy Silence that is dearer than life, and take our life program into the silent places of the heart, with complete openness, ready to do, ready to renounce according to His leading, then many of the things we are doing lose their vitality for us. I should like to testify to this, as a personal experience, graciously given. There is a reevaluation of much of that we do or try to do, which is done for us, and we know what to do and what to let alone.” Thomas R. Kelly from one of my favourite books: A Testament of Devotion.